Your heartbroken and stressed out since your ex broke it off with you and the only thing that you can think of that will end the pain is to get your ex back. Day and night you try to think of what you can do and what you might say to change your ex's mind and persuade a come back. You may have even tried talking with them, being nice to your ex, promising to change and even telling your ex to go take a hike in a moment of frustration. You may have tried writing a heart felt love letter or even telling your ex that you still love them and always will. But nothing seems to be able to change your ex's mind and you wonder what you should do next.
The No Contact Rule - You have probably heard of the no contact rule or even tried following this rule in hopes that it would help you to get your ex back. Much to your dismay nothing happened. Maybe your ex even said that they were happy that you weren't contacting them any longer, which broke your heart all over again. Some wonderful method for getting your ex back, don't you think? Just leave your ex alone and hope and pray that they come back to you. How is that supposed to work? What's to keep your ex from thinking that you have moved on and that you don't really care any more?
The problem is that most people, even those advising the use of the no contact rule to get your ex back, don't understand how it's supposed to be used and what it's supposed to accomplish. This dandy piece of advice is just doled out as a necessary part of getting an ex back without much explanation of what its purpose is and what it should accomplish. Without this information all you are doing is dropping off your ex's radar hoping that something will happen to miraculously change your ex's mind. Sorry to say but chances are slim to none of this happening in most cases or than the most mundane of breakups.
Time - So how long should the no contact rule be used before it is ok to get back in touch with your ex? Honestly, that depends. It depends upon you and how quickly you can recover emotionally from the breakup. It depends upon how long it takes for you to gather yourself and regain the confidence that you can get your ex back. It depends upon how long it takes you to come up with a good solid plan to get your ex back including what you're going to say, how you're going to say it and knowing what your attitude should be like towards your ex.
It is a mistake to place a flat one month moratorium on contact with your ex just become someone says so. This isn't and shouldn't be a hard and fast rule. After all, if you and your ex just had a small spat and you go off and stop communicating with your ex for a month, which is typically the standard rule, your ex is going to think that you are done with them. It could be that after two days your ex is ready to talk to you again and if you can pull yourself together in that amount of time and you have your wits about you it is possible to get your ex back that quick. Of course, if you're still a wreck and you aren't really quite sure of how to handle yourself then you could make things worse and wind up making the breakup worse!
What To Do - Many people think that the no contact rule is just about putting some time and distance between themselves and their ex. Some experts suggest that you take up a hobby or hang out with friends or family to allow the time to pass more quickly and make you feel better. While this is all true and time does heal all wounds, if you are really serious about getting your ex back you're really going to be pretty busy... maybe even too busy to think of what your ex is doing, what went wrong in your relationship or even be too upset about the breakup... so this is somewhat true.
The important part of what the no contact rule will give you is time to heal yourself, get your head together and come up with a plan that you can see working to get your ex back. While part of that plan includes rebuilding your confidence the vast majority of your plan should include methods that have been shown to work. Just be careful! There is a ton of advice out there that is quite lame and which can actually destroy any chance that you might have of getting your ex back. Keep in mind that the advice from friends in family are typically at the top of this list and what worked for your aunt and uncle probably won't work for you.
This is your life, your relationship and your heart that we're talking about. While you might be tempted to talk about your breakup with anyone and everyone and get their advice on what you should do to get your ex back, most times people are repelled by the constant talk of your ex. So keep this to yourself... because you do know that there is a very good chance that your ex is in contact with your friends and family under the pretense of "checking on you" and if your ex catches wind of the fact that you still want them back it will undermine any plans that you might have.
The No Contact Rule - You have probably heard of the no contact rule or even tried following this rule in hopes that it would help you to get your ex back. Much to your dismay nothing happened. Maybe your ex even said that they were happy that you weren't contacting them any longer, which broke your heart all over again. Some wonderful method for getting your ex back, don't you think? Just leave your ex alone and hope and pray that they come back to you. How is that supposed to work? What's to keep your ex from thinking that you have moved on and that you don't really care any more?
The problem is that most people, even those advising the use of the no contact rule to get your ex back, don't understand how it's supposed to be used and what it's supposed to accomplish. This dandy piece of advice is just doled out as a necessary part of getting an ex back without much explanation of what its purpose is and what it should accomplish. Without this information all you are doing is dropping off your ex's radar hoping that something will happen to miraculously change your ex's mind. Sorry to say but chances are slim to none of this happening in most cases or than the most mundane of breakups.
Time - So how long should the no contact rule be used before it is ok to get back in touch with your ex? Honestly, that depends. It depends upon you and how quickly you can recover emotionally from the breakup. It depends upon how long it takes for you to gather yourself and regain the confidence that you can get your ex back. It depends upon how long it takes you to come up with a good solid plan to get your ex back including what you're going to say, how you're going to say it and knowing what your attitude should be like towards your ex.
It is a mistake to place a flat one month moratorium on contact with your ex just become someone says so. This isn't and shouldn't be a hard and fast rule. After all, if you and your ex just had a small spat and you go off and stop communicating with your ex for a month, which is typically the standard rule, your ex is going to think that you are done with them. It could be that after two days your ex is ready to talk to you again and if you can pull yourself together in that amount of time and you have your wits about you it is possible to get your ex back that quick. Of course, if you're still a wreck and you aren't really quite sure of how to handle yourself then you could make things worse and wind up making the breakup worse!
What To Do - Many people think that the no contact rule is just about putting some time and distance between themselves and their ex. Some experts suggest that you take up a hobby or hang out with friends or family to allow the time to pass more quickly and make you feel better. While this is all true and time does heal all wounds, if you are really serious about getting your ex back you're really going to be pretty busy... maybe even too busy to think of what your ex is doing, what went wrong in your relationship or even be too upset about the breakup... so this is somewhat true.
The important part of what the no contact rule will give you is time to heal yourself, get your head together and come up with a plan that you can see working to get your ex back. While part of that plan includes rebuilding your confidence the vast majority of your plan should include methods that have been shown to work. Just be careful! There is a ton of advice out there that is quite lame and which can actually destroy any chance that you might have of getting your ex back. Keep in mind that the advice from friends in family are typically at the top of this list and what worked for your aunt and uncle probably won't work for you.
This is your life, your relationship and your heart that we're talking about. While you might be tempted to talk about your breakup with anyone and everyone and get their advice on what you should do to get your ex back, most times people are repelled by the constant talk of your ex. So keep this to yourself... because you do know that there is a very good chance that your ex is in contact with your friends and family under the pretense of "checking on you" and if your ex catches wind of the fact that you still want them back it will undermine any plans that you might have.
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